my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
