you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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