what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
