when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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