...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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