Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
