I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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