Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
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He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
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Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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