Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
