if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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