im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
