The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize