he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize