bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I need water and some morals
Randomize
