I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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