can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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