so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
