It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
my poor anus
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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