That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
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The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
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How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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