my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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