Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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