So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
