just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
