margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
