I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize