i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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