Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
