Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
