Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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