who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
