from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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