I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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