thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
