He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
