It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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