using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
