I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
