you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
