We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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