I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
