I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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