I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
