:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
