so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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