I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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