Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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