i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
