guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
