I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
