i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
