I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
