This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Is it penis luge time yet?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
