Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
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It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
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I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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