What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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