Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
the raccoons are back...
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