awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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