I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
