3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
