I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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