her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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