He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
