She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
