Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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