Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
