smell my finger.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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