dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I touched a dick in church today
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
