My room smells like vodka and shame
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
