$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
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Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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