I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
