I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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