my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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