My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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