I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
