This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
