I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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