i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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