How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
