D3 body, D1 cock
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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