her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
